*extremely long sigh*
So where have I been these past few months????
Well, I’ve been occupied with life. So much has happened to me in the new year and I started noticing the changes I had gone through.
Let’s start with the first big change. I started cosmetology school; literally six days after New Years. Since I work in the morning, I go to school at night and it really occupies your mind. I go to school with some characters but I met some pretty great friends here so far (trust me, we know I’m still making more friends). One thing I can say about school is that the learning and the studying really occupies you, which leads me to the next thing.
I feel like working and focusing on paying off my bills while also focusing on what I want to do in life has really beaten down my passion to write. I had moments where I felt so hopeless when it came to ideas for books and blog posts. I regret ever stopping, to be honest. I have so many scripts and books that need to get reviewed and put out. And I have all these ideas to post up on Aries Thoughts, but I never find the time to chill out at a cafe and write everything down.
Aside from my lack of work and occupation, some huge things happened recently… For starters, I turned twenty. I have exited my teens and celebrated the death of being a teenage rebel. Here I am a twenty year old adult. I celebrated quite a lot and on one of those days, I slept for thirty minutes before going to work. I enjoyed the days I spent and the people I spent my birthday with. I personally feel like this was my best birthday and I’m looking forward to spending it with my friends and close relatives.
AND on that note of relatives… The morning of my birthday, I had a long awaited article post on my blog. My Truth was written to admit that I had skeletons in my closet, and that I don’t invalidate mental health. I also talk about how family is never the most important factor in my life. My relationship with my aunt was always rocky and I felt like I had to do so much to please her. The result? I hated myself and hurt myself over the fake compliments and the harsh judgments. I can’t trust people (regardless of blood relations or friendship status) with my preferences because I went through that with my father’s sister. I suffer a multitude of mental health hazards in my life ranging from ptsd to anxiety and depression. Those three combined make a huge obstacle almost impossible to get past.
Another reason for posting My Truth is because people who hurt others to make it in life shouldn’t be able to get away with things like that. If you’re a person who wants to be loved and appreciated but hurt others to get things your way, then you’re a person blinded by your pride and wrongful beliefs. To be a good person is to understand your flaws and accept others as the same. Why is it fair to haste judgement upon others when you know you have done and said negative things in your life?
I can openly say now that I’m leaving her home soon, and as much as it feels off (I mean that was my childhood home), I’m happy about it. I don’t need to see her anymore. I can also openly say that I don’t love her like she claims she loves me. I don’t hate her for what she has said or done to me, but I also cannot return the love I get when I visit.
I was never meant to connect with my dads side of the family, nor take that name to heart, because they are dysfunctional, and I don’t know if they will ever want to get to know me for me and not someone who I’m related to.
I know I always say I’m going to try writing more but know that I am trying, it just won’t take as long as I want to. But I feel we’re going to be seeing more astrological blog posts soon…